I signed up Calvin for special needs basketball. The first night of the season the UCD mens bball team came to host the clinic. They did a great job.
There was a short news segment on the event. Calvin is #14 and was caught on film several times.
One of the most amazing things about the special education world is the wonderful people we meet who make such a difference! Most are dedicated parents but also so many members of the community are happy to offer service. Interacting with such wonderful people is perhaps the best part of the special education journey.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
concern for siblings
Mean Big Brother (by 8 year old sister)
1 mean brother
2 tared books
3 hurt sisters
4 broken fones
5 riped up homework
My second grader is learning about poetry at school. This is something she wrote on her own during free time at school. Interesting and heartbreaking to see how the poetry brings out some of her concerns and tells so much about our home. It is tough living in the same house as Calvin. He can be so difficult. We feel for the girls. Almost all families I run across with extremely difficult children, especially those with major behavior problems do not have younger siblings in the mix. If they do, it is one sibling at the most. We have 3 little girls in the house and it is a challenge, at times, to keep them safe and comfortable. We know they are strong girls and hope that what they learn from their experience gives them compassion, understanding and strength to outweigh the bitterness and pain. I am so glad they have each other. They are such good friends and delight so much in each other. They are easy girls. I know it is a special blessing to have them as daughters.
And for the record, Calvin has torn up probably more like 30 books, has broken 2 phones and ripped up homework of his sisters a handful of times and his own countless times.
Tonight at FHE, Clare shared a lesson from the Friend called "Bully Busters" which was a cute story about two girls who were feeling bad about a boy who was getting bullied on the bus. Together with one of the mom's they decided to take a special treat to the boy who was getting bullied. The girls took him some lollipops and doorbell ditched them. They watched him excitedly open the door and get the treat.
After the lesson we asked the kids about the story to make sure they understood the point of the story, (to be compassionate to those who need kindness). Then we asked them if there is anyone they know who needs some extra love if they are having a hard time with a bully. My 5 year old, who is very articulate and doesn't miss a beat said, "well, me and Clare need some extra love because Calvin is always hurting us and yelling at us." It was said in total innocence, not meaning to place blame on Calvin, but recognizing that he is a bully to them. They are dear little ones. We try hard to give them extra attention, one on one time and love since we know that they are burdened with extra stress in the home. People sometimes as me how they can help and I think one of my new answers will be show some extra love to my girls! My usual answers are "I don't know" or "nothing I'm fine"
Friday, January 17, 2014
lost battles
One of the difficulties we face with Calvin is that he has somewhat of an orphan disease. I've never met anyone with the same diagnoses as him. I am sure that in the special needs world as with the typical kids world, no too kids are alike.
However, when dealing with problems it is helpful to have a community to draw support from and so that insurance will acknowledge the need for services and pay for them. This is where we are flailing. Insurance will not cover ABA, we applied to the regional center and they will not accept Calvin, even though the need for services (such as ABA therapy, respite care) is apparent. The neuropsyciatrist we see is not covered by insurance. I called insurance to ask them to provide another similar doctor and they don't have one in san Diego but still refuse to pay for me to see the type of doctor we need.
I was so grumpy over these losses that I have not really considered where to go next and took a couple of months of vacation in thinking about these issues. Now, I'm back in the game and ready to move forward.
We got a great offer from one of the ABA agencies in San Diego for an out of pocket payment (still hurts though) for some ABA services. We're going to start that up pretty soon.
Regional center will have to wait and luckily we don't see the psychiatrist as often as we used to so even that cost is significantly reduced.
However, when dealing with problems it is helpful to have a community to draw support from and so that insurance will acknowledge the need for services and pay for them. This is where we are flailing. Insurance will not cover ABA, we applied to the regional center and they will not accept Calvin, even though the need for services (such as ABA therapy, respite care) is apparent. The neuropsyciatrist we see is not covered by insurance. I called insurance to ask them to provide another similar doctor and they don't have one in san Diego but still refuse to pay for me to see the type of doctor we need.
I was so grumpy over these losses that I have not really considered where to go next and took a couple of months of vacation in thinking about these issues. Now, I'm back in the game and ready to move forward.
We got a great offer from one of the ABA agencies in San Diego for an out of pocket payment (still hurts though) for some ABA services. We're going to start that up pretty soon.
Regional center will have to wait and luckily we don't see the psychiatrist as often as we used to so even that cost is significantly reduced.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
special education bussing
We have been so blessed to have Calvin ride the "short bus" to school for these last almost two years.(if you laughed at the phrase "ride the short bus" that I'll assume you are a bad person. I have one brother and one husband who can't say short bus without laughing and I am sorry to say they are not ideal human beings.)
Overall it has been wonderful and we and met some amazing people. We have also run across a few people who are not quite as wonderful as those who you usually find working in the special needs department!
Calvin has also been creative in finding ways to make the ride to school as unpredictable as possible! Here are some of his tactics for throwing a wrench in what could be a smooth bus ride...
-don't get on the bus when it comes to pick you up
-don't get off the bus when you get to school
-fall asleep on the bus and don't get off the bus when you get to school.
-pretend to fall asleep on the bus and don't get off the bus when you get to school.
We've never had a problem with him getting off the bus at home although occasionally he is asleep on the bus ride home and we have to wake him up to get him off the bus.
With those last 3 options, the bus driver would at first bring him back home, but that is too rewarding, so then they'd wait at school but that took too long and the district didn't want to pay them overtime, so now we meet at the bus yard. When they call me to tell me Calvin is still on the bus I have about 25 min to get there giving me time to load the car and head over. It is just right. Then I drive him to school which is sort of a pain but we make the most of it by going to the beach or zoo afterwards.
Remember when Calvin's bus driver hit him? That driver is no longer in special needs! Crazy!
After that incident we had the best driver ever, Kevin! He genuinely loved Calvin (which is tough to do)! and was so great. He'd do a doughnut day or in-n-out day here and there just because he wanted the kids to feel special. He got "out bid" by a more senior driver so we haven't had him this year. We miss him terribly.
Calvin's aid Jeannine has been with us for a long time, over a year. She is so kind. Calvin adores her.
Calvin's current bus driver is fine...neither great nor terrible. We did have an interesting experience today though. She pulled up the house! I opened the door and waved hello as I usually do and then she drove away down the street. Weird?.... I walked to the end of the driveway and as she looped around to pass our house she slowed down and said, "he won't get up I'm taking him back to the lot." WHAT?! I said, "no, I'll get him off the bus." I walked onto the bus and woke him up and got him off the bus. It was funny. He wasn't mad or angry, he was asleep with his head phones in and never heard her stop or tell him to get up. She was completely furious and fuming. Must be an off day....hopefully she isn't losing patience with him....that would be an unfortunate turn of events.
What's funny is Calvin wasn't mad or trying to be difficult, he was sound asleep with his headphones in and his shirt wrapped around his head so he had no idea they had even stopped and tried to get him off the bus.
It is interested how as an observer I can see that this was an incident where Calvin was innocent but somehow managed to get the driver in a fury. I know this happens to me at home. Since he does cause such a rukus so often and puts people on their guard it is easy to be upset with him often and assume he is trying to cause a problem but the trick is slowing down enough in judgment to see what his intent is and working with him to move forward. A galaxy sized amount of patience is required. I'm still working on growing some more!
Overall it has been wonderful and we and met some amazing people. We have also run across a few people who are not quite as wonderful as those who you usually find working in the special needs department!
Calvin has also been creative in finding ways to make the ride to school as unpredictable as possible! Here are some of his tactics for throwing a wrench in what could be a smooth bus ride...
-don't get on the bus when it comes to pick you up
-don't get off the bus when you get to school
-fall asleep on the bus and don't get off the bus when you get to school.
-pretend to fall asleep on the bus and don't get off the bus when you get to school.
We've never had a problem with him getting off the bus at home although occasionally he is asleep on the bus ride home and we have to wake him up to get him off the bus.
With those last 3 options, the bus driver would at first bring him back home, but that is too rewarding, so then they'd wait at school but that took too long and the district didn't want to pay them overtime, so now we meet at the bus yard. When they call me to tell me Calvin is still on the bus I have about 25 min to get there giving me time to load the car and head over. It is just right. Then I drive him to school which is sort of a pain but we make the most of it by going to the beach or zoo afterwards.
Remember when Calvin's bus driver hit him? That driver is no longer in special needs! Crazy!
After that incident we had the best driver ever, Kevin! He genuinely loved Calvin (which is tough to do)! and was so great. He'd do a doughnut day or in-n-out day here and there just because he wanted the kids to feel special. He got "out bid" by a more senior driver so we haven't had him this year. We miss him terribly.
Calvin's aid Jeannine has been with us for a long time, over a year. She is so kind. Calvin adores her.
Calvin's current bus driver is fine...neither great nor terrible. We did have an interesting experience today though. She pulled up the house! I opened the door and waved hello as I usually do and then she drove away down the street. Weird?.... I walked to the end of the driveway and as she looped around to pass our house she slowed down and said, "he won't get up I'm taking him back to the lot." WHAT?! I said, "no, I'll get him off the bus." I walked onto the bus and woke him up and got him off the bus. It was funny. He wasn't mad or angry, he was asleep with his head phones in and never heard her stop or tell him to get up. She was completely furious and fuming. Must be an off day....hopefully she isn't losing patience with him....that would be an unfortunate turn of events.
What's funny is Calvin wasn't mad or trying to be difficult, he was sound asleep with his headphones in and his shirt wrapped around his head so he had no idea they had even stopped and tried to get him off the bus.
It is interested how as an observer I can see that this was an incident where Calvin was innocent but somehow managed to get the driver in a fury. I know this happens to me at home. Since he does cause such a rukus so often and puts people on their guard it is easy to be upset with him often and assume he is trying to cause a problem but the trick is slowing down enough in judgment to see what his intent is and working with him to move forward. A galaxy sized amount of patience is required. I'm still working on growing some more!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
another month has passed
Things are fine. Life is life.
Ups and Downs...
UPs:
-that we are fairly stable on the meds we have now so we don't have to go to the psychiatrist again for a couple of months.
-Ask for a handicapped sticker at amusement parks if you can! It is the best. We went to Legoland and got one last week. Great to get a little perk here and there when you have a lifestyle that is difficult.
Downs:
-One of the biggest challenges right now is date night with my husband. I can't get a babysitter (aside from my dad who we cannot abuse too much) and it stinks not being able to plan a date when needed. we often trade with a friend after kids are in bed but with the holidays we've missed a couple of months. Hopefully we can get back into the swing of things soon. I have a gift card to Flemings that I got in the summer that we still haven't been able to use.
-We are supposed to move from San Diego to Houston this summer. My stress is going to overflow trying to plan this move for this child. I try really hard not to feel sorry for myself but this situation is difficult for me. I keep thinking "If I didn't have Calvin, this would be so easy. We could just pick where we want to live, find a school for the girls and have so much fun with and year of adventure in Texas....instead we have to find a school for Calvin, pay $40K for tuition, live close enough that I can drive him to school, worry about neighbors listening to him scream and calling the police on us and be in financial ruin after moving twice in a year and financing his school....." I suppose I should count my blessings and be super thankful that we are going to a big wonderful city where there are schools available. And have faith that it will work out. I know it will. I have a lot more to research and much more praying to do. I am sure it'll work out.
-Jo, my two year old is feisty as they come. She now has more emotional maturity than Calvin. Which is sort of funny, but also sort of sad. She is only two. Recently in the car Calvin was very upset and grumpy. Jo was teasing him by singing. (When he is upset he likes everyone to be silent and all noise bothers him) he turned around and said "F$*& you, Jo" and she said "F(&^ you, Calvin" right back. I couldn't help but laugh.
Ups and Downs...
UPs:
-that we are fairly stable on the meds we have now so we don't have to go to the psychiatrist again for a couple of months.
-Ask for a handicapped sticker at amusement parks if you can! It is the best. We went to Legoland and got one last week. Great to get a little perk here and there when you have a lifestyle that is difficult.
Downs:
-One of the biggest challenges right now is date night with my husband. I can't get a babysitter (aside from my dad who we cannot abuse too much) and it stinks not being able to plan a date when needed. we often trade with a friend after kids are in bed but with the holidays we've missed a couple of months. Hopefully we can get back into the swing of things soon. I have a gift card to Flemings that I got in the summer that we still haven't been able to use.
-We are supposed to move from San Diego to Houston this summer. My stress is going to overflow trying to plan this move for this child. I try really hard not to feel sorry for myself but this situation is difficult for me. I keep thinking "If I didn't have Calvin, this would be so easy. We could just pick where we want to live, find a school for the girls and have so much fun with and year of adventure in Texas....instead we have to find a school for Calvin, pay $40K for tuition, live close enough that I can drive him to school, worry about neighbors listening to him scream and calling the police on us and be in financial ruin after moving twice in a year and financing his school....." I suppose I should count my blessings and be super thankful that we are going to a big wonderful city where there are schools available. And have faith that it will work out. I know it will. I have a lot more to research and much more praying to do. I am sure it'll work out.
-Jo, my two year old is feisty as they come. She now has more emotional maturity than Calvin. Which is sort of funny, but also sort of sad. She is only two. Recently in the car Calvin was very upset and grumpy. Jo was teasing him by singing. (When he is upset he likes everyone to be silent and all noise bothers him) he turned around and said "F$*& you, Jo" and she said "F(&^ you, Calvin" right back. I couldn't help but laugh.
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