tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29965499698506368892024-03-13T18:14:28.290-07:00Oh, Boy!Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.comBlogger137125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-50382002075621473742017-11-28T21:58:00.001-08:002017-11-28T21:58:01.970-08:00updateSo much has happened and has not been recorded . Today I felt I wanted to be sure that I remember some of the details.<br />
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<b><i><u>Last February Calvin was diagnosed with Autism at Rady's autism discovery institute. </u></i></b><br />
Several years ago (probably about 5 years ago) he was evaluated at the Rady's autism discovery institute and was not diagnosed with autism. Several things have changed since that evaluation that prompted me to take him and have him re evaluated. First, Calvin's speech has gotten worse so that now his stutter, slow speech and pragmatic speech problems are the first thing you notice about him. Second, in other areas besides speech, Calvin has continued to progress at a rate that is slower than typical peers so the difference between Calvin and other kids his age continues to widen as he gets older making his disabilities more noticeable. Third, the DSM (diagnostic handbook for mental heath disorders) was updated two years ago. For the diagnosis of autism there used to be an exclusion that if there are other medical problems which could explain the symptoms of autism than the diagnosis of autism would be withheld. The most recent version of the DSM took out the exclusionary statement so that if any child presented with autism like symptoms they would be considered to have autism no matter what other medical conditions were present. I suspected that with these changes Calvin would be diagnosed with autism. This would open the door to many different treatment options for us which had not been available before.<br />
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The process to be evaluated for autism is about a 6 month wait and then a two month process. Everything went very smoothly and I could not be happier with the process. When we had our final visit with the Dr. and she told me Calvin would be diagnosed with moderate autism I was very relieved. She called him moderate because of the amount of care he needs. I drove from the autism discovery institute straight to the San Diego regional center to re-apply.<br />
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<b><i><u>This month Calvin was accepted as a client at SD Regional Center.</u></i></b><br />
About 4 years ago we applied to the regional center under the diagnosis of epilepsy. We were in desperate need of help. Calvin's behavior was totally out of control and my world was starting to shrink because I couldn't go anywhere with him. We were in crisis. Our intake and evaluation process was very intimidating to me. I'm not sure if I was treated poorly or if I was just inexperienced. It was probably the former. I felt that most of the people I interacted with, especially the dr's who evaluated us, were there to block us from getting help. I was also very uncomfortable at the time about talking about just how hard it was, the severe behaviors and the effect it was having. I was embarrassed and afraid that it was a problem with my parenting more than anything else. We were not admitted to the regional center upon applying. So we went through the appeal process. .We had a lot of support from family and friends and even a few of Dave's colleagues. It was obvious to all that there was a developmental disability at play but the judge did not feel Calvin could qualify under epilepsy since he was not having active seizures. I was shocked that there was a small team of employees from the regional center whose job it was to block access to our admission. I can't imagine any degree of job satisfaction coming from seeing families who need help and then being sure they don't get help. However, I suppose that the probably feel some sense of accomplishment on not wasting govt money on people who don't need services. Anyway, I view that team of two as pretty evil humans to sit across the table from us and put a case against us as to why we should suffer alone instead of have a little help and compassion from an institution that was created to help families like us. Anyway, I obviously have some bad feelings about a couple of staff members at regional center!<br />
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Fast forward to this year. When I got the autism diagnosis I went right over to regional center to re-apply. You can't re-apply unless there is a significant change. A new diagnosis of autism counts as a significant change. <br />
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The application process this time around was really easy. I'm sorry to say I had the application sitting on my table for months before I finished it, but once it was done we had a great experience. My intake person was fabulous. They had an outside Dr. evaluate Calvin instead of one of the in house drs (which we had worked with before). The evaluation process was very pleasant and very informative. He helped me to understand calvin a little better. He did agree with the diagnosis of autism. <br />
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He explained that Cavin would probably fall in the category of aspergers if that was still a thing. Calvin has a desire for social interactions but not the ability to maintain them. Some autistic kids do and some don't. He also explained that Calvin is what they would call "borderline"<br />
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<b><i><u>In May Calvin moved out of the house.</u></i></b><br />
Life for the girls has been really hard. The have lived with the threat of abuse on a day to day basis. I have always known that at some point Calvin would be big enough that it would get dangerous for him to be in the same home as the girls. This year it became apparent that that had happened. I was starting to research different options, group home, residential treatment, knowing that a big decision was coming. I also started to do some of the emotional work associated with this kind of big change. I am so blessed to have a great network of friends and through them I've run across a couple of people who have been through the experience of having a child leave home because of behavior problems. It was very helpful to talk to them and learn more about their experience, why they did what they did, and how they sorted through the emotions of guilt and pain that come from making such a hard decision. <br />
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The first week of May I took just the girls to Utah for a week for my brothers wedding. Dave had to work so we decided to have him stay home with Calvin. It was an AMAZING trip for lots of reasons: so great to be with family, so many fun activities, such a beautiful wedding/bride/brides family, etc. All the details were wonderful. What made the trip enjoyable and possible was that we didn't have Calvin. The girls said stuff like, "it is so nice not to worry about calvin hitting us" or "it's nice that we can listen to a book in the car because Calvin won't yell at us" or "it's nice Calvin won't break our things". As I listened to these statements I realized our "normal" was not at all normal and it was not safe either. It wasn't a situation where one less kid is a little easier, it was a situation where one less kid meant we had some freedom and safety. Freedom and safety should not be rare in childhood, they should be guaranteed. <br />
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I was super grateful to Dave for keeping Calvin so that we could have this once in a lifetime trip! Upon returning home it was interesting to find that Calvin had enjoyed a very good week too. With one on one attention and less stress than usual since the sisters were not around, he had been very well behaved and had much less behavior problems than under normal circumstances.<br />
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In spite of these two positive reports we brought the family back together and within a couple of days realized it would not work and that the girls and Calvin needed to be separated. At church when I was a kid we were taught an analogy of a frog when put in a pot of cold water and then the water heats up gradually the frog will get to a boil and not realize what has happened until it is too late. The warning is to stay out of sin before you become so entangled you are not making good judgement. In our case, we had become so used to chaos, pain and abuse that it was like I was the frog in boiling water...it had heated up so slowly over so many years that we were kind of used to it. once we got out of that pot there was no jumping back into the boiling water!<br />
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Within a day or two of everyone being home together we were all crying and knew something had to be done. Dave found a 6 week, short term, furnished rental starting a couple of days later so we decided to give it a try and see how everyone would do in separate living quarters for 6 weeks.<br />
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It was very traumatic for me to have the family separate. I cried a bit for the first few days and felt really sad. Dave kept asking how the girls were and if we were all happy but it was still so shocking that i didn't have the answer he was looking for. I also found it hard to tell other people what had happened. I told a couple of friends and one of them brought over some flowers, I thought that was really sweet. After we got used to it, after a couple of weeks, I noticed that we (the girls and I) were coming to a place of more fully functioning and it was very comfortable to feel safe at home some of the time.<br />
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After the six weeks was over we decided the change of calvin to his own living space was good so dave got another apartment.<br />
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important insert here: I actually had wanted to look into residential treatment or a group home for Calvin so Dave could come home but Dave didn't feel good about doing that. We met with educational advocate Allan Roth, who I highly recommend. He gave us our options and helped us understand the system a little better. After meting with Allen we both agreed group home would not be good but I still felt like we should look into residential treatment but dave wanted to keep calvin in our care.<br />
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Meanwhile Dave's parents had a change in job situation so they were able to think about coming to SD to help us out. It was tried for a couple of weeks over the summer, discussed and agreed upon. The were able to move here after Thanksgiving. So currently Dave, Calvin and his parents live in a house. It is such a blessing to have Dave's parents here to help out. It seems strange to say that the two of us can't do it alone, but it is the case.<br />
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<b><i><u>We start ABA therapy at home. </u></i></b><br />
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A few months ago we FINALLY got tot he top of the wait list for intensive in home ABA therapy. This is on of the services that we tried to get before but insurance will only pay if you have autism. And it is too expensive to do out of pocket. Anyway, we had figured it was the last resort to try to keep Calvin at home with all of us, to give us more training on how to have a good environment for him. It also trains him how to better cope with stresses instead of acting out. It started in August this year.<br />
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ABA is great. calvin has been successful in an ABA based school. The tricky part at home is setting up an environment where the program can be consistent. It's hard to do with a one parent and four kid household with all the moving parts. 4 to 1 is a higher student to kid ratio than at school for Calvin! Anyway, i learned a lot with the program but the place where we fail is that I can't follow through on the consequences (such as take away electronics) without Dave home because I'm so scared of Calvin hurting the girls or breaking things etc. So I ended up being wishy washy sometimes. If I asked Calvin to turn off an electronic and he said no, I was in a pickle. Do I start a fight that might escalate to calling the police, things getting broken or getting hurt? Or do I let him be disrespectful and break the rules without consequence (thereby ensuring certain failure of the program). In the end we found that I could not safely get control of Calvin. He was in charge. I felt like I was held hostage. So while ABA is a good program I consider our use of ABA a failure to improve the behavior enough that Calvin is safe at home.<br />
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Our behavior therapist is named Virge. we love her. She is like part of the family. She has been coming over 13 hours/week and she is a delight. I am thankful for her. She is very patient with Calvin and appears to thoroughly enjoy her work and she does a good job. She is kind to all of us. It is very up close and personal to have someone in the home that many hours and she has been patient with us and so helpful in instructing Calvin and me. We took her to the spook alley with us for Halloween and that was the funnest thing I've experienced with her. She was very dramatic and super scared!<br />
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<b><i><u>Calvin graduates from Cook Education Center.</u></i></b><br />
I never thought Calvin would be ready to leave Cook school but it has happened. Calvin reached a point where Cook was giving Calvin everything they had to offer and he was ready for more. more academics and more opportunities.<br />
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This year we got a new case manager. She is great. She did the triennal evaluation and started the process of trying to get calvin moved. this had happened last year too but things didn't align right. I think a lot has to do with this case manager who took me to classes which seemed like a good fit. The process went really well. We had our big IEP meeting a few weeks ago and had things lined up for Calvin to move schools. The testing done was very thorough. There could probably be a full post on those but one thing I did want to mention is that as she reviewed calvins full educational file she said she was shocked to see how misdiagnosed, misunderstood and misplaced Calvin was in his early years. I feel a mix of sad, mad and validated when I hear that. Sad that Calvin and I didn't get the help we needed years ago, mad for the same reason, and validated in the intensity of our struggles all those years when it is plain to see we needed more help and different help than we were getting.<br />
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calvin started in an autism class at public high school. he attends that class for two periods a day and for three periods goes to general ed class for math, mixed media and biology. he is loving it so far. I am so happy for him and so proud of him.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-11490315553494685942017-02-10T16:44:00.002-08:002017-02-10T16:44:57.601-08:0014th birthdayToday Jo woke up smiling. "today is Calvin's birthday. Do you think now that he is 14 he will be nice?"<br />
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We've had a rough few weeks.<br />
What does "rough" mean?<br />
hitting the girls, swearing at everyone and everything, threatening, breaking things, refusing to get on the bus, dumping pills down the drain, charging things on my credit card, charging things on my bank card, using my phone to change passwords, swearing, swearing, swearing.<br />
<br />Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-40414793353889305122016-03-29T21:48:00.002-07:002016-03-29T21:48:32.669-07:00funny not funnywhen your four year old learns to spell Calvin's favorite word ....penis.... I am sorry I taught her to readDenisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-73316255822142082162016-03-10T22:24:00.000-08:002016-03-29T22:31:23.066-07:00lost friendsa while back, probably september, the beginning of the school year, I had met a mom of a girl in Clare's class who was brand new to the school. She also had a second grade daughter so our girls were the same age. I invited them over to swim after school one day. Calvin was home, or came home while they were here. He was in a very bad mood. Yelling, threatening, chasing his sisters. The mom was very uncomfortable with the situation and worried for her kids' saftey (understandably so) and left with her girls. We have not spoken since. I had somewhat forgotten about the incidence until I saw this family at pickup and realized that this was definitely a "calvin casualty". I think that's a thing. This week is spring break week and there are many other causalities this week such as free time, a regular shower, and my sanity.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-66802519175365973652016-01-29T21:15:00.000-08:002016-01-29T21:15:49.196-08:00school decisionsLooks like we will be staying at Cook.<br />
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At the Cook Education Center there are several programs. There is the primary program with kids K-7th grade (ish), which is where Calvin is now. There is a secondary program with kids 7-12th grade. Urban Skills Center (USC) has kids ages 18-22. Also at the school is Children's Workshop with a different population of kids age 15-22. Each of these programs runs independent from each other, with limited interaction between the groups, but they do share a campus so they see each other, plus they may ride the bus together, if they are coming from the same district.<br />
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Calvin will move to the secondary program which will allow him to have more challenging academic classes but still have a lot of support, which he obviously needs. The secondary program has kids 13-18 (once they reach graduation age they move next door to USC - Urban Skills Center, either for life skills, employment training, or to finish diploma work). There are 60 kids in the secondary program which will give Calvin lots of people to interact with and a big group to find some friends. Some of the kids in the secondary program Calvin already knows so he feels comfortable with the transition. Calvin is happy to stay at Cook where he knows a lot of people, and also so he can continue with Karate. Right now he has a blue belt and is doing well in class. He really likes Sensei Frank and what he is accomplishing in Karate class.<br />
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I am now know quite a bit about the non public schools in San Diego which is important for me to make the best decision. And would be super useful to anyone else looking for a non public school in town, if I ever run across anyone who needs that information. Slim chance, but you never know!<br />
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In the next couple of years we may look at moving Calvin back to public school into one of the classes in the district. I don't know a lot about those classes yet. I tried to see the one that would be most appropriate but the district would not let me, saying they need to protect student privacy and not have parents come and look at the class unless we are considering a placement change right now. While I understand the need to protect privacy I also think it's ridiculous to not allow me to look at the classroom because otherwise we will never know if Calvin could move back to public school. That being said, the district is paying his tuition and if they want to continue to do so I suppose I should just be grateful that they are happy to do so, but it seems dumb to me that they'd want to block progress.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-42009437496774433882016-01-26T17:00:00.001-08:002016-01-26T17:00:29.015-08:00perspectiveIt's not very often I run across someone with a similar life to mine. Yesterday I met someone, she is was the house guest of our neighbor, and she has a son that is kind of like Calvin. Actually a super lot like Calvin. It was amazing to connect with this woman who has had almost double the life experience I have (her son is almost 2x older than Calvin). She is an amazing mother who has worked hard, suffered a lot, and put her heart and soul into her family. She has faith and courage and love. One thing she said is that even though it has been hard, it is amazing to look back over how far they have come from 5 or 10 or even 17 years ago. I hope 5 or 10 or 17 years from now I can look back and see that we have made progress, that we are in a good place and that I'm happy with how far we've come and have some hope for the future.<br />
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I feel like we are in a hard spot in our journey. It's been long enough that I am tired. The newness has worn off, the hope that something new is going to come along, in terms of diagnosis and treatment, is gone. Now we are left with a long stretch of life in front of us and I'm not sure where it's going. We are not reaching the same milestones as other kids that are about to turn 13 in school, social, or any other setting. I am in a rut with my mothering and my patience. Talking to this other mother who has walked a similar path for even longer made me realize that there are small and large victories that need to be appreciated. The grief of always being off the path of "normal" kids and missing major developmental milestones is real and it is hard and it will probably never go away. but instead of embracing that pain, I can celebrate the small victories and changes we see which move us in a positive direction. <br />
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I recently read the book Edurance by Alfred Lansing about Shakeltons journey to Antarctica. I highly recommend the book! There was one part of the book that really resonated with me in relation to my journey in parenting Calvin. One of the most amazing aspects of the expedition was that the crew stayed so positive and morale was generally very good, even though they were in very real danger for most of the trip. I think part of this was attributed to the fact that they did have confidence in themselves, did believe that they would eventually be rescued, but they kept that hope at bay by keeping that hope in the future and not settling on a date they thought they'd be rescued or a specific distance they would cover in a day. They just always had hope that they would eventually be rescued. There were a couple of points in the book where the men got very excited about the prospect of hitting land, but then the opportunity passed them by. The depression that set in following these setbacks was almost crippling. They learned from this experience to stay hopeful and have faith that things would work out but not to set terms and dates for specific achievements. Near the end of the book part of the team had gone ahead to get help and most of the men had stayed behind waiting to be rescued. It was torture to just sit an wait knowing that if the rescue party did not make it back they would definitely die. They had calculated how long the rescue should take and started planning for the rescue to come within a few weeks, waiting with great anticipation. As the date they had planned on for the rescue came they realized they would be completely crushed if the rescue did not come in time, they instead set a date to hope for the rescue to come several months into the future.<br />
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I have noticed this same thing happen in my journey with Calvin. Whenever I set up comparisons, milestones I hope will happen, or progress I hope to see, I am extremely disappointed as that dreamed of progress passes us by. I try not to think about birthdays that come and go, what grade he's in, what he could have been doing by this point, what life we are missing out on. We just live day by day and hope that each day is a good one where we learn a little more and float in a good direction. <br />
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Looking back from 2-4 years ago when we were really in a tough time, there are some great improvements. Calvin sleeps really well. He can stay home along sometimes. His behavior at school is good. He has a great school where he is happy and has friends. He likes his karate class at school and works hard in that and is proud of his progress. He can do legos for 8 hours straight. (If I could afford it, I'd have legos for him to do every day). We have good drs. We have good insurance so we are not in financial ruin. (many families with kids like calvin have very serious financial problems. so far, we have been very lucky in that regard). Our insurance pays for our medications. (If not, we'd be paying probably 2-3K/month for them). Calvin hasn't had a seizure in years. We have lots of good things going for us.<br />
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Circling back to my new friend. She had a few suggestions of things she did well or wished she had done better for her family along their journey when kids were younger. Make therapy more available to the siblings. Talk openly with the other kids about the struggles you face. Surround myself with great women. <br />
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<br />Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-76408258058145788802016-01-15T14:05:00.003-08:002016-01-22T14:39:13.313-08:00trying new schoolsTues/Wed Calvin attended Sierra school. The visit went very well. He enjoyed the school, made new friends and did great. They enjoyed having him there. The staff is very nice, his teacher would be a young guy (late 20's) which is a great fit for Calvin. When I picked Calvin up after the first day of his trial he said, "I liked it but I didn't get enough breaks" and "I just want to stay at Cook (his current school)" <br />
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Since then Sierra has called and said his visit went very well. They feel they can challenge him academically, they were impressed with some of his abilities, especially in science where he can do work at above grade level. They also feel they can meet his needs socially and emotionally. He seemed to get along well with the other kids and made new friends quickly. He was motivated by the point system they have there even though he has yet to see all the things he could do with those points.<br />
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Th/Fri was scheduled to be at Excelsior. Thurs morning we had a rough start getting out of the house in the morning and we arrived to school with Calvin in no mood to go in. Dave was going to work about the same time we were going to school and he threatened that he'd come over and get Calvin if he didn't cooperate. I think that's why he ended up going into school after about 30 minutes in the car whining about various things. About 30 minutes after Calvin arrived at school I got a call from the school saying Calvin had had a couple of incidents they weren't sure what to do with. First, the teacher tried to introduce him to another student and he said, "shut up". A few minutes later he was given a book for some work and Calvin threw the book on the floor. They didn't know what to do with him since they had only known him for a few minutes. So, I decided to go back to school and get him. It did not need to be spoken that he is not a good fit there. He didn't like it, they didn't like having him.<br />
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When Calvin got back in the car I said, did you do those things because you knew they would call me and you would get to come home? he said, "hard to explain but kind of". I told him that next time he can just ask to call me. He said, "do you think they would have let me call?" I really don't know that they would have, but he should at least consider a more reasonable option than behaving bad enough that they will kick him out and call me.<br />
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So now we have the option to keep him at Cook school, where he could move to a secondary program on the same campus, but with older kids, or we can move him to Sierra. I am waiting on a school visit to Cook's secondary program (even thought Calvin has been there 5 years I have never seen the secondary program in action aside from a glimpse of PE or karate when I come and go). I am also hoping Dave can get over to Sierra and take a look before we make our decision. I have made two appointments for him so far but both times he's had to cancel last minute.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-50203238614938700432015-12-29T08:34:00.000-08:002015-12-29T08:34:18.067-08:00school shopping updateI have visited all 4 schools<br />
Winston - del Mar<br />
Excelsior - La Mesa<br />
Sierra - Lake Murry<br />
NewBridge - poway<br />
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I took Calvin back to see the first three of those schools. At this point Winston is out of the running . It is a purely academic school for kids who struggle in public school and need more academic support. They don't have any interest in dealing with kids who need emotional support. <br />
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NewBridge only goes through 8th grade so it would be a challenge to send Calvin there for only a year and a half. If NewBridge seems a good fit, I want to push for having Calvin enter as a 6th grader so he has a longer time there. Academically he is closer to 6th grade anyway. The district would not want to have calvin repeat a year because it means paying for an extra year of school. However, paying for another middle school year may prevent them from having to pay for an additional 4 years after high school in a transition program. <br />
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Sierra and Excelsior would both be a good fit for him. They are pretty similar with Sierra having a more formal discipline program with points earned each hour, which equate to tickets that are used in the schools store. Excelsior is a little less organized in their behavioral approach giving tickets on occasion that go into a drawing once a week. Basically Calvin would have to be self motivated.<br />
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After I had a first look at each of the schools, the next step was to take Calvin to look at them (very briefly) I took Calvin to see sierra, Exc, and Winston. He did not like Winston at all. The lady giving us the tour was pretty cold and it was obvious in her mannerisms and conversation she was not excited to have us there. I'm sure Calvin felt that. <br />
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At Excelsior, the administrator looked at Calvin and talked directly to him, asking what he likes about school, what he thinks a good school would be, and telling him about the program. He soaked it in. At one point, the admin left the room and Calvin turned to me and said, "mom, I think this would be a great school". Pretty astounding coming from a child who did not even want to change schools. <br />
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At Sierra, the day before the holiday break, we showed up during lunch so some of the admins were out, including the main person who does admissions. Someone else gave us a tour, and though friendly, was in somewhat of a hurry to get back to her regular job. Plus the kids were at PE so Calvin didn't see them in class. <br />
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After the three visits I was impressed at how affected Calvin was by the personality of the admin at excelsior. It just goes to show how kindness and enthusiasm can make a big difference.<br />
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Next week I'll take Calvin to see NewBridge. I am also waiting for the director to read Calvin's paperwork and see if he thinks Calvin would be a good fit.<br />
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The next step is to have Calvin do a 2-5 day visit at each school we are considering. I will for sure set something up at Excelsior; we already have a visit at Sierra scheduled for the second week of Jan. <br />
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It is going to be a busy month. Lots of car time. I just started reading Grapes of Wrath on audio. Hopefully it is as great as I heard it will be so that it keeps me company in the car as we drive.<br />
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<br />Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-70316669432734815052015-12-28T09:30:00.001-08:002015-12-28T09:30:22.285-08:00practical jokersometimes calvin does things that make my blood boil.<br />
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Examples: <br />
Calvin gets home from school before me a couple of days a week. If that's the case, I all him and remind him to take his booster pills. He was getting really annoyed with me calling to tell him to take his pills. So, he changed the number in my cell phone for "home" so that it was our old home phone number instead of our current #. One afternoon I was out taking the girls to dance and kept trying to call cavlin to remind him to take his pills. A very angry lady answered and said "DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER!" I was so confused about why there was an angry lady at my house. Wondering what happened to Calvin. Then I slowed down my thinking and realized Calvin played a trick on me. <br />
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Calvin also loves to mess with the passwords on our accounts. He changed my amazon password, Netflix password, email password. It is infuriating to try to log in on my phone and find the password was changed. For the amazon account he changed the password so he could log on and check on recent order history (and see what was ordered for Christmas). Stinker. <br />
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He also set his alarm on his tablet or phone to go off at 1 or 2 in the morning so when I have his device in my room charging overnight it will go off in the night and wake me up.<br />
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Also, in recent months, Calvin figured out how to charge purchases to my cell phone number. I do not even know how to do this.<br />
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I could be proud of his determination and intelligence if he would find a way to put it to good use and not use it to torture me.<br />
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He has currently lost the privelidge of using electronic devices.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-49943707116807856712015-12-06T22:12:00.000-08:002016-01-21T12:37:15.435-08:00ExcelsiorIn many ways Excelsior was so similar to Winston that I can hardly tell the differences.<br />
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They have PE every day. Most of the year the PE is centered around whatever intramural program they are doing. In the fall it's flag football, then basketball.<br />
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There is an IPAD for every kid to use in the classrooms.<br />
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The kids can take breaks when they need to. They can go to the OT room or take a few minutes listening to music, etc.<br />
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They have academic classes and<br />
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They seem to be pretty flexible with individualized academic instruction.<br />
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7-8 grade is together.<br />
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Seems a little more relaxed in structure compared to Winston.<br />
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They have the option in high school to do a transition program if kids need more time to graduate or need to take a few classes to teach skills which aren't academic.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-69255754103437239502015-11-10T06:25:00.002-08:002015-11-10T06:25:57.337-08:00school shoppingThings have been going well for Calvin at school. He had a super smooth transition from Houston back to his school in San Diego. Cook Education Center is set up to help kids with severe behavior problems. Since Calvin doesn't exhibit severe behavior problems at school, another school program would probably be a better fit for him. I had been thinking that I wanted him to change schools within a year or two of getting home, and once he got home from Houston, his teachers noted right away that he is ready for a new program. So, now I'm school shopping. These are the schools I'm looking at:<br />
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Wiston<br />
Newbridge<br />
Excelsier<br />
Sierra<br />
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Winston - Del Mar - Amzing school location 1 block from the beach. 15 elementary school kids (4-6), 30 middle school (7-8 grade) and 50 high school kids.<br />
The high school is diploma bound and all high school classes are accredited/count towards college. It is nearly streamlined curriculum for high school. They do not give "D" grades. Any class failed doesn't count and must be re-done. If you pass your classes you are considered moving forward.<br />
The kids have math, english, history and science in the morning. In the afternoon is tutorial, a free period for doing homework, with help and with other kids around. They also have electives which you sign up for, art, music, PE, electronics, etc. There also have an activity program which runs a couple days a week like cooking, dance, video games, photography, board games, painting, robotics.<br />
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For homework the kids have math and english homework M,W,F and T/Th the kids have history and science. With a tutorial class at school it is possible to get homework done at school, which would be really good for Calvin.<br />
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About 1/2 the kids in the school have ADHD. Another big chunk have high functioning Autism, a few have other things such as tramatic brain injury. Calvin looks like he'd fit in there.<br />
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My main concern with Winston is high school. It sounds like academically, it is pretty main stream in high school. It is hard to say at this point, how well Calvin will do academically once he gets into a school that focuses on that. If he could be caught up and in good habits he may be able to do high school but otherwise it might be too hard for him academically.<br />
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<i>Winston school is a college preparatory program for bright, creative students in grades 4-12 who have struggled to meet their potential. The school offers and extensive arts cirriculum providing classic training and a creative outlet, as well as opportunitites to build character and self-confidence. </i>Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-5481430682872833072015-11-06T06:28:00.000-08:002015-11-10T06:29:23.084-08:00eye updateFor the past several years Calvin's glasses have only had correction in one eye. His "bad eye" has a major astigmatism and a large correction as well. However, the other lens was plano, with no correction. For a while Calvin was wearing a contact in one eye and didn't need one in the other eye. Earlier this year Calvin started complaining that his good eye wasn't seeing as well. So we took him in and sure enough he needed a new prescription with correction in both eyes. Another 6 months passed and he started complaining again that his glasses weren't doing the trick.<br />
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I was actually really worried that something had happened with his vision, or brain to cause him to loose vision so fast so I was relieved to find out that it's just normal changing (for someone with bad eyes) and that he'll probably keep losing vision until he is fully grown. Sad that he's been dealt this minor problem. He's had a heap of minor problems that add up to major problems.<br />
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Now that Calvin can't see as well he always faithfully wears his glasses unless they are lost or broken. Since we have returned home we have dropped a pair of glasses out of the car and then they got run over a bus, Meyer chewed up a pair, Calvin broke a pair on the bus (on accident). Any others?? Can't remember. Calvin's glasses are covered under a protection plan so when they break it costs less than $30 to get a new pair BUT it does take two weeks and that is sad because then he goes two weeks without being able to see much at all. For example, he can't see the TV from the couch, or any road signs from the car.<br />
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<br />Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-61060340596305377732015-06-13T04:04:00.000-07:002015-06-13T04:04:14.372-07:00I hate summerSchool is good for kids like Calvin. Otherwise they cause all kinds of trouble.<br />
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spitting on sisters<br />
peeing on bed<br />
breaking glasses<br />
breaking mp3<br />
dumping out food<br />
dumping out cd's<br />
unpacking what has been packed<br />
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thank goodness summer is only 1 weekDenisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-4758190445075174882015-04-07T20:05:00.000-07:002015-04-07T20:05:09.900-07:00busy nights?A few days ago when I woke up Calvin in the morning he got out of bed and was completely naked. He had gone to sleep with some clothes on so I was somewhat surprised to see he had stripped down to nothing. I said, "Calvin, what happened to your clothes?" His reply was a very sincere, "I have no idea." this struck me as super funny. Such a sweet boy.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-58394803003580282652015-01-15T05:45:00.002-08:002015-01-15T05:45:30.263-08:00to add laterlost calvin at the museum<br />
get prescriptions filledDenisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-67815859781440303292015-01-08T20:12:00.000-08:002015-01-08T20:12:00.513-08:00swearing problemsOne day Calvin was swearing at Jo and she was swearing back. Obviously my angelic three year old learned all of her bad words from him, so I told him that if I hear Jo swearing, he is the one who is going to get in trouble.<br />
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A few days later Jo came to me and said a bad word. Then she asked if Calvin was going to get in trouble, reminding me that Calvin will get in trouble whenever she says a bad word. Goodness! How do these kids develop sass at such a young age. I think if she's old enough to figure out how to frame her brother, she's old enough to have her own consequences.<br />
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If you're wondering what swear words they say to each other, they like to call each other the b word and they say f you to each other, although when Jo says it is is "puck you Talvin" and "bish"Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-9266758632594363392015-01-06T19:41:00.001-08:002015-01-06T19:41:33.308-08:00change of clothesA few days ago Calvin came home from the park a little while before us. When I got home I noticed he had changed his clothes. It is very unusual for Calvin to care at all about his hygiene so I was surprised to see him changed. I asked him why he was in new clothes and he said, "oh, just because." And I asked, "Did you have some kind of accident?" Calvin replied super matter of factly as he continued with what he was doing "yes, wet fart." Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-33487314589210758542015-01-01T07:49:00.000-08:002015-01-01T07:49:00.087-08:00hump dayWe have reached our 1/2 way mark in Houston. Looking back over old blog posts I was worried sick about planning for this move. We have been so blessed to be here. We live in just the right place for our family. We are so happy to have this special time as a family to make new friends, memories and experience the gift of feeling God watching out for us a little more than we would have if we had stayed in SD this year.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-51696750380050329082014-12-30T08:56:00.000-08:002014-12-30T08:56:07.463-08:00passwordWhen you set up a library card, the default recommended password is the last 4 digits of your home phone number. That is what most of us use. Calvin however, decided to change his password to a four letter word that starts with f and rhymes with truck and is not appropriate to write on my blog.<br />
<br />Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-51347011927084323592014-12-26T07:43:00.000-08:002014-12-26T07:43:10.483-08:00nicknamesWe were at a friends house a few days ago and it was time to go, I said, "come on Lexey and Clare!" and Calvin shouted "yeah, come on SEXEY!" The people who we were visiting thought that was just about the funniest thing they've ever heard. They are Calvin's new biggest fans. We are so used to all the quirky things he does each day that it is just part of our life. To these darling friends, each day is a new adventure waiting to see what Calvin will say or do next!<br />
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Overall Calvin's behavior is much better than it has been in a few years so instead of huge breakdowns and fits we just get swearing and other more minor infractions. It is interesting having moved at this time where people just know Calvin as a funny boy instead of being terrified of him like all of our Poway friends have been. A welcome change.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-23665315107030703372014-12-17T08:58:00.003-08:002014-12-26T07:40:19.630-08:00A father's wishSpoken by the Cob, (Louis' father) in The Trumpet of the Swan by EB White<br />
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<em>"Goodness! What are you getting at? Do you wish me to believe that I have a son who is defective in any way? Such a revelation would distress me greatly. I want everything to go smoothly in my family life so that I can glide gracefully and serenely, now in the prime of my life, without being haunted by worry or disappointment. Fatherhood is quite a burden, at best. I do not want the added strain of having a defective child, a child that has something the matter with him."</em><br />
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This is why reading good books is so amazing. To put into elegant words some of the thoughts of your heart, which you do not have words to describe yourself. Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-87111498397079713152014-11-29T14:35:00.002-08:002014-11-29T14:35:39.777-08:00up to the challengeA few weeks ago Dave told Calvin that if he could run a mile without stopping at all, in under 10 minutes, he would buy him a new gaming system. I thought that this was a pretty lofty, if not completely impossible goal. Calvin went out running with Dave a couple of times but could only make it a few houses and then he'd stop with cramps completely out of breath. He only tried this a few times and the rest of the days he wouldn't even go out and try. However, he was completely planning on getting the Wii U as evidenced by his hours spent shopping online for the best wii u package! He also told his sisters that they could keep his old wii when he got his new wii u. I was very concerned that he would have a major let down as weeks and even months passed by and he couldn't get his wii u. He is not good at waiting. We told Calvin that it would take one or more months to train himself to be able to run that far without stopping.<br />
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This morning Dave got home from work and offered to take Calvin out to practice running. Dave said, "Let's see how far you can go without stopping." Calvin went with him and low and behold he ran the entire mile without stopping. It was amazing. He was really dragging toward the end but hung in there. Lexey and I were out on bikes and saw him and Dave coming down the road so we cheered him on as he ran the last 100 yards. <br />
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He came straight in the house and sat with the open fridge getting lots of drinks of cold water and telling the girls about his battle "I had cramps but I just kept going" "My mind was telling me I should stop but I just told myself to keep going". Good for Calvin!<br />
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Later this afternoon Dave took him out to get his wii. Christmas will be a real let down after this. <br />
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Today is the biggest college football day of the year so Dave told Calvin he'd have to wait to play until tomorrow. Calvin said that would be fine....but Dave ended up finding another solution, letting Calvin use the computer monitor for the wii while he watches football on the big tv.<br />
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I wonder what else Calvin can do ..... sometimes I wonder if we underestimate him.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-1024386977122464052014-11-15T20:08:00.000-08:002015-01-06T20:08:38.110-08:00sportsSince coming to Houston I've tried to get Calvin to sign up for sports. At first we put him in Karate since he was doing so great in Karate at school. Technically it's martial arts, not karate. After just a couple of weeks Calvin decided he didn't like it because it was too hot. I chose martial arts since it is an indoor sport and would have great A/C but Calvin didn't even like the exercise heating him up! Once you get warm in this town you can never cool off!<br />
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There is a challenger basketball league here probably much like the one we tried at home. I asked Calvin if he wanted to sign up and he said no. When I asked him why he declined to answer several times. Finally when I asked him one time he told me that he doesn't want to be in basketball with all of the handicapped people. It is interesting that he expressed that. He has been going to school with handicapped people for a few years now, some kind of like him and some much more handicapped. The basketball group was made up of people with more profound disabilities, many being intellectually disabled. It is tough to find a place where Calvin "fits" since he can't keep up with healthy kids his own age and is a little too far advanced to hang with a grouping of handicapped kids. I'd love to help him advance so that he could be with typical kids but I'm not sure he'll ever catch up. The best solution I've found so far is letting him hang out with patient kids who will help him out, adults who are patient or much younger kids (2-5 years old) who he is basically on par with. He is happy in his niche as long as his sisters aren't driving him crazy.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-38786403480309934052014-11-11T18:56:00.000-08:002014-11-11T18:56:31.292-08:00cute CalvinCalvin is doing really well these days. He still has his moments...though his fits aren't as long or as intense or as frequent, which is great.<br />
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Lately Calvin has been really into stuffed animals. Lexey was sweet enough to give Calvin one of her stuffed animals "pup" a dog from build a bear that she got a year ago. Calvin talks to pup, takes pup on his bike, to school and to bed. It is very cute.<br />
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A few days ago I took Calvin with me to do some errands. I stopped by a thrift store to see if there were tennis rackets. They didn't. But they did have lots of stuffed animals (stuffy's). Calvin looked through each one. He spent about an hour and found several that he really wanted to take home. Since they ranged in price from $0.75 to $3.99 he had enough money to get a few. He ended up picking 4 very small cheap ones to share with the girls and then one bigger one to give to Jo...a build a bear bunny. My hands were all greasy from touching all of those disgusting used stuffed animals so we hurried home to wash our hands and wash the stuffies. They came out of the wash looking good as new! Calvin made name tags for them all and has been taking a couple of them on all of his adventures. <br />
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Dave mentioned that perhaps Calvin has matured from toddler (2-3 year old in constant tantrum) to a 4 year old. Funny and sad at the same time. Glad he is in a sweeter stage.Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2996549969850636889.post-63151198378591049422014-11-11T13:34:00.000-08:002014-11-11T13:34:13.350-08:00emailSometimes Calvin emails me. It is really cute. Today I got this gem: (Calvin has been reading a lot and has recently been putting lots of books, movies and CD's on hold. Last night we had been talking about this particular book, wondering if the library has it yet)<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333339691162px;">mom i put on hold diary of a wimpy kid the long haul, and its place in queue number is 149 thanks </span><br />
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On Halloween Calvin decided not to wear his costume...but then changed his mind and sent this email.<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333339691162px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333339691162px;">Mom can you come to school with my costume? Because i am now wanting to wear my karate Gi and belt. And please email me back so i can know if you can or not? I</span><img src="https://us-mg205.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=2%5f0%5f0%5f74%5f1127%5fAEppimIAAA%2fKVFOaAAAAADmJKZY&m=YaDownload&pid=3&fid=calvin&inline=1&appid=yahoomail" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333339691162px; margin: 0px 0.2ex; vertical-align: middle;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333339691162px;"> U </span><img src="https://us-mg205.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=2%5f0%5f0%5f74%5f1127%5fAEppimIAAA%2fKVFOaAAAAADmJKZY&m=YaDownload&pid=2&fid=calvin&inline=1&appid=yahoomail" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333339691162px; margin: 0px 0.2ex; vertical-align: middle;" />Denisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09518289930512218540noreply@blogger.com0