This blog doesn't really give a picture of the day in and day out life we live and that is probably fine with me. I feel lucky to survive most days and on a bad day the last thing I want to do is sit down and re live that day by writing it down.
I will say that I reached a point of desperation a few months ago and sought some more help. First, we started with behavior therapy. After we didn't get any help funding this much needed service, the agency offered to give me a reduced pay out of pocket rate of $50/hour. So I decided to give it a try. We're about $800 into this venture and it has helped some. I can't say it's life changing. I would have rather gone to visit my grandma 3 times with that $, but you gotta do what you gotta do. one thing we have done is video recorded our morning routine. It is interesting to re watch those videos and pick up on all the little things going on that you don't really see when it's happening. We spent one day looking at a video with myself and 2 behavior therapists. They gave me some ideas for how I can improve my interaction with Calvin such as, write down things to talk about so that there isn't as much silence, make sure to initiate a conversation every 3 minutes if there is down time and he is behaving appropriately. You might think I'm crazy to not be able to have a conversation with Calvin, but it is more difficult than you might think. For example, let's say Calvin just dumped out a gallon of milk, ripped up a book and called you a *&@)O. Would you maybe have a hard time thinking of something civil to say? I consider my morning a success if I don't' swear back and don't scream at him or anyone else.... let alone talking him about something interesting you learned, or asking how is basketball class is going? So, having prompts to talk about help me have conversation to keep us both distracted.
Some of the videos Calvin has watched too, although at this point it is only mostly positive things. They want to get him used to watching himself and grading himself (positive or negative behavior) on simple things before making him watch something unpleasant. Progress is slow and quite honestly I'm not sure if we will ever really make notable progress, but it helps me to have someone pushing me along and trying to help me with his behavior, who is subjective and professional.
I recently starting paying a 17 year old boy from church to come over and play games/babysit Calvin. He often comes while I am at home and I can get cleaning done or run to the store or read a book. Calvin has some audience control so when Palmer is here, Calvin behaves well. Palmer almost always brings some board games or a wii game from home so it is great entertainment for Calvin. The girls all love Palmer too! Palmer has also babysat all the kids at night on a couple of date nights, which has been nice. Prior to Palmer we had only been able to use family, or go out after Calvin is in bed because we couldn't leave him with any cute little teenage girl! Also, Palmer has a little sister who he can bring over to play with the girls on occasion.
It is nice to have a day that is a little more relaxed.
I also called a friend to ask "what kind of help can I ask for?" She helped me brainstorm a few other ideas. She suggested I ask friends with little girls to let the girls come play to get them out of the house a bit and give them much needed happy activity time! She ended up calling a few friends who were all willing to help. In fact the first two ladies she called both said, "I'll have them one day a week after school, and I am sorry you didn't ask sooner. I wish I would have known Denise needed help." It was so kind of them. I was picturing setting up a play date or two a month but this was way above and beyond. It makes me cry to write about it now. So, two days a week the girls go home with friends to have play dates. That is nice for them. They have lots of energy and need friends to play with but I had recently cut out many of our activities because it is so difficult to go places with Calvin. It is so kind of my friends to let the girls come play. It works out well for them too as the girls they play with were both in need of more play mates as well.
We got a new family with young kids that moved in a few doors down. They have a 9 year old boy, 6 year old girl and 3 year old boy. They are really nice kids. It has been nice having someone closeby for Calvin to play with. He'll walk over and invite the kids over to play and they will play games or wii. It is great. Quite honestly it is probably more valuable than the behavior therapy I pay since it teaches proper behavior and gives motivation to behave appropriately in it's own way.
As we prepare for a big move I want to find a way to continue these types of things and will be looking for neighbors and friends for the kids (as all parents would) and also keeping an eye out for some older boys who might want to earn some extra $ by coming to hang out in our house.
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