Here are a few of the things that happen when things are not going well. When the incidence of these things increase it is a bumpy road. I have started to keep track of just these few items b/c it helps me to gauge when he is really bad. Sometimes it is hard to keep track of how often something happens as it may feel like it happens "all the time" or "hardly ever".
-not able to get on the bus in the morning. (not compliant)
-not being safe on on the bus and then I have to pick him up somewhere along the way (usually about 20 minutes from home) and drive him the rest of the way in to school. This is a tough one b/c the kids on the bus are all late as well as Calvin and it takes up my entire morning. The only way I am able to recover from this one is to pack the dog along and go to the beach for an hour after we drop him off.
-pulling his contact out of his eye and tearing it up.
-phone call from the school saying he had to be put in a manual restraint due to unsafe behavior
-not able to receive his reward for having clean language all day
With the above, we usually also see an increase in:
-full on fits out in public with swearing, destruction, hitting
-screaming fits at home, hitting of sisters, breaking things
-swearing
Most of April was pretty good. We actually had a couple of good weeks and very few incidents. The first week of May (right after my other blog post about how things were going well) we had a terrible week. I wanted to write about it at the time for my own records but I couldn't bring myself to re-live my week by writing it down. In a week period we went through 2 contacts. I drove him to school one day and had to pick him up off the bus mid-way through the route one day. He was put in a restraint at school.
That same week the behavior therapist we were working with told us she would not be able to continue working with him (after Calvin had a huge fit at home while she was here). Since she is not working with an agency she doesn't have the resources to get Calvin more help, she is not insured or covered with liability and she is pregnant. Even thought I was extremely depressed about this news for days, I tried to be grateful for the things she did teach me and for helping me to get on the right path in seeking out behavior specialists as we move forward. In 15 years of working she said she had never had to discontinue working with a child and that it wasn't because Calvin was SO difficult but just because of circumstances. Still, like I had many times before, it made me feel like I had the MOST difficult child on the planet.
We also found out that regional center did not accept us. The letter says "Calvin does not have a qualifying condition such as autism, epilepsy, cerebral palsy ..." WHAT!?! He does have epilepsy, so why are they saying he doesn't have a qualifying condition? Well, since he has only one medication they say he is controlled. I will appeal. From what I hear, everyone has to appeal to be accepted. We'll see what happens with that.
Fortunately, while I was wallowing in my pit of despair over my terrible week and losing the little bit of hope I held with my behaviorist quitting and not getting accepted to regional center, I met a lady at the park who works for another behavior agency in town and who does not have an indefinite wait list like I had seen at other places. We are working to get started with that agency later this month. I tried really hard to be grateful for meeting this woman and realizing that there is no need to throw in the towel and quit. The Lord has been so good to us so far and continues to show tender mercies enough to keep us afloat.
I am sort of a slow learner, but one thing I am learning is that while I should have hope, I should stop thinking I will find a quick fix. I gave a lesson in RS Sunday about trials. One of the things I learned is that when going through a trial we need to be prepared to accept the Lord's will and like the Savior say, "if thou could, let this pass, nevertheless, not my will but thine be done." We cannot expect to become like the savior if we are not tried as he was, or if when we are tried, we expect to have immediate relief. We need to partake of the bitter cup without becoming bitter. We need to "not shrink" from our trials.
There was an article I ran across by Elder Maxwell where he said, "not shrinking is more important than surviving." In his case, he was dying from cancer. He knew that not shrinking was more important than surviving because he knew he would not be surviving. In my case, I am not going to die. I am going to survive In my case, not shrinking is more important than JUST surviving. I am going to survive but it will take work and diligence for me not to shrink from my duties as a mother to all of my kids. To me shrinking is yelling, losing my temper, goofing off on the internet instead of reading to them, not being as kind as I should be. I think not shrinking can mean many things and probably means something different to everyone and even could mean different things to the same person at different times in life. However, in all cases, it means that doing our best and not losing sight of what is most important. Watch this 3 minute video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l70e1TfN34w
I loved these talks about trials:
Can't believe he was denied at regional center. How depressing, but at least the appeal thing sounds common. Praying for that to go quickly. You deserve that relief!
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