We have been so blessed over the last year as everything for Calvin has fallen into place to help us find the perfect school for him, the right medication and correct doctors. We are so fortunate. That being said, I think I am still trying to wrap my head around the idea that I have a handicapped child. I think one of the reasons it is hard to fully comprehend is because he is mildly handicapped. He has a normal IQ and serious behavior problems and coping issues. There is a possibility that he will progress enough to function normally. His story is not yet fully written and we don't know how things will turn out.
I guess the trick to survival is to live one day at a time and not to look forwards or backwards too much, but sometimes I can't help it.
A year ago, Calvin was still in mainstream school. I still thought he might be able to survive there. I thought he might belong there. As I look back at this I think to myself how crazy it is to think that I believed this. It was super stressful to send him to school knowing it could be disastrous. I remember last summer I sent him to a summer camp with the girls. I think it was for 2 hours for 3 days that week. I was not even out of the parking lot on the first day before the camp called to tell me that they could not handle him. It was stressful sending him places and not knowing if he would handle it. Now I have a better idea of what would work for him and what wouldn't. It is bittersweet. In so many ways, it is better to face things as they really are. To know I can't sign up my kid for summer camps, can't send him to parties or other activities without an adult, can't get a babysitter. This is the safest way. There are no surprises and no disasters. But it is also hard.
Another balance that I seem to struggle with in meeting reality is in my expectations. Should I expect absolutely nothing from Calvin? No chores, no homework, etc. etc. or should I be pushing him to do better and be better. How do I push him without causing him to crumble and fall apart?
A friend of mine told me God only gives us what he knows we can handle. I should feel flattered that God gave me a challenge that I think I can't handle. And I also fell humbled to know that there are so many people whose challenges are so much more difficult and painful and are faced with grace faith.
And while we are looking backwards I should acknowledge one more HUGE blessing in this last year of great change. Dave has been home a lot. In a career of a lot of schooling followed by a lot of work it is a miracle that he has been home to help me and to experience all of these changes with me. He has been home more in this year than he has ever been since and probably will ever be in the future. I am so thankful.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
bus driver fights
We have had a rough couple of weeks with the bus. Calvin has been driven to school a couple of times and once we had to go pick him up at school because he was having such difficulty even getting on the bus and getting his seat belt on so they could leave.
There have also been numerous complaints filed by the driver and aide and we've had several phone calls and even one meeting to discuss how we could help Calvin be more safe on the bus.
At first I was kind of baffled as to why we were having so many problems on the bus. Last year, we did have a few rough days but overall, things were okay. It was just the usual kind of thing with Calvin where some days are better than others. For some reason, this year problems on the bus have been the norm.
We set up an incentive program where he would receive points for being good on the bus. We discussed what else we could change and even discussed the possibility that perhaps the bus driver or aide were not a good match for Calvin's personality.
Most special education personnel are over the top friendly and nice because they know that special needs kids need lots of positive reinforcement. Our previous drivers had said "HELLO!" and "How are you?" every day when Calvin would get on the bus. This driver never said "hi" never cracked a smile and the aide was no different. They were pretty grouchy people. Add a grouchy Calvin to that and it is bound to be miserable.
At home, to try and help the situation we had let Calvin take not one, but THREE electronic devices on the bus (DS, Kindle Fire and MP3 player), so there should be no time for him to get into trouble. So the only time that there could be a problem would be if as he was getting on the bus there was some kind of power struggle before he could even sit down and get a seat belt on and use his electronics. It seemed pretty crazy that each day the 2 minutes of interaction between the driver,aide and Calvin were resulting in major conflict.
I was on the bus one morning helping Calvin into his seat and the aide started talking to Calvin in a very mean and stern voice because he was whistling and then yelled at him to hurry up and get in his seat. It was a pretty heated response for a minor infraction. When dealing with Calvin it is important not to show him that you are upset and to be able to ignore small problems (annoying noises) for the good of the bigger problems (being safe and finding a seat).
I called the district special education bus person and told her about the incident, repeating my concern that perhaps the driver and aide are not patient enough for Calvin. Not many people are. She suggested we try another more experience aide for the drive home.
That afternoon Calvin was being difficult as he loaded the bus after school. The bus driver refused to drive with Calvin on the bus and told the school to "drag him off the bus". The school does not drag anyone anywhere, especially down stairs on a bus so they told the driver they would have to wait for Calvin to calm down so they could get him off the bus in a safe way. The driver refused to wait, saying he had a schedule to keep and insisted that they remove Calvin. The school again said that it would not be safe so the driver said, either you call the parents or I call the police. ( I didn't know this entire story 'til the next afternoon or I would have not put Calvin on the bus with him again under any circumstances). Dave happened to be home and Iwas at Costco and didn't hear my phone ring so dave went to get him.
A disaster was brewing. I knew it. Dave knew it. I called the administrator of bussing one more time and made sure she knew it too. She was starting to consider changing drivers (it is difficult since the route they drive is part of their contract) but I think she was starting to see she had no choice.
The next day I got a call from an administrator at Calvin's school telling me that when Calvin had arrived at school that day and personnel were helping him off the bus there was an incident and the bus driver had hit Calvin! WHAT THE HECK!?! A bus driver hit my special needs child? Apparently Calvin wasn't cooperating as he got off the bus. Calvin called the aide a bitch and the driver decided to try to intervene and said something like "wanna fight?" Seriously, how professional is it for a grown man to ask a child to fight? Anyway, Calvin continued to call everyone BI*&H and took a swing at the aide. The bus driver hit Calvin's arm away. The school personnel say it was a hit. The bus personnel say it was a block. Either way, it was pretty unprofessional and it is under investigation. Meanwhile, Calvin got a new driver and aide. The two nicest people in the world (as most special education people are) and things has been blissfully smooth ever since. Calvin will not be perfect in any situation but at least things are safe and back to what our regular normal is.
The current driver is a sub so we probalby won't have him for long but I did let the bus administrator know that Calvin won't ever ride the bus with the regular driver again.
Never a dull moment around here!
There have also been numerous complaints filed by the driver and aide and we've had several phone calls and even one meeting to discuss how we could help Calvin be more safe on the bus.
At first I was kind of baffled as to why we were having so many problems on the bus. Last year, we did have a few rough days but overall, things were okay. It was just the usual kind of thing with Calvin where some days are better than others. For some reason, this year problems on the bus have been the norm.
We set up an incentive program where he would receive points for being good on the bus. We discussed what else we could change and even discussed the possibility that perhaps the bus driver or aide were not a good match for Calvin's personality.
Most special education personnel are over the top friendly and nice because they know that special needs kids need lots of positive reinforcement. Our previous drivers had said "HELLO!" and "How are you?" every day when Calvin would get on the bus. This driver never said "hi" never cracked a smile and the aide was no different. They were pretty grouchy people. Add a grouchy Calvin to that and it is bound to be miserable.
At home, to try and help the situation we had let Calvin take not one, but THREE electronic devices on the bus (DS, Kindle Fire and MP3 player), so there should be no time for him to get into trouble. So the only time that there could be a problem would be if as he was getting on the bus there was some kind of power struggle before he could even sit down and get a seat belt on and use his electronics. It seemed pretty crazy that each day the 2 minutes of interaction between the driver,aide and Calvin were resulting in major conflict.
I was on the bus one morning helping Calvin into his seat and the aide started talking to Calvin in a very mean and stern voice because he was whistling and then yelled at him to hurry up and get in his seat. It was a pretty heated response for a minor infraction. When dealing with Calvin it is important not to show him that you are upset and to be able to ignore small problems (annoying noises) for the good of the bigger problems (being safe and finding a seat).
I called the district special education bus person and told her about the incident, repeating my concern that perhaps the driver and aide are not patient enough for Calvin. Not many people are. She suggested we try another more experience aide for the drive home.
That afternoon Calvin was being difficult as he loaded the bus after school. The bus driver refused to drive with Calvin on the bus and told the school to "drag him off the bus". The school does not drag anyone anywhere, especially down stairs on a bus so they told the driver they would have to wait for Calvin to calm down so they could get him off the bus in a safe way. The driver refused to wait, saying he had a schedule to keep and insisted that they remove Calvin. The school again said that it would not be safe so the driver said, either you call the parents or I call the police. ( I didn't know this entire story 'til the next afternoon or I would have not put Calvin on the bus with him again under any circumstances). Dave happened to be home and Iwas at Costco and didn't hear my phone ring so dave went to get him.
A disaster was brewing. I knew it. Dave knew it. I called the administrator of bussing one more time and made sure she knew it too. She was starting to consider changing drivers (it is difficult since the route they drive is part of their contract) but I think she was starting to see she had no choice.
The next day I got a call from an administrator at Calvin's school telling me that when Calvin had arrived at school that day and personnel were helping him off the bus there was an incident and the bus driver had hit Calvin! WHAT THE HECK!?! A bus driver hit my special needs child? Apparently Calvin wasn't cooperating as he got off the bus. Calvin called the aide a bitch and the driver decided to try to intervene and said something like "wanna fight?" Seriously, how professional is it for a grown man to ask a child to fight? Anyway, Calvin continued to call everyone BI*&H and took a swing at the aide. The bus driver hit Calvin's arm away. The school personnel say it was a hit. The bus personnel say it was a block. Either way, it was pretty unprofessional and it is under investigation. Meanwhile, Calvin got a new driver and aide. The two nicest people in the world (as most special education people are) and things has been blissfully smooth ever since. Calvin will not be perfect in any situation but at least things are safe and back to what our regular normal is.
The current driver is a sub so we probalby won't have him for long but I did let the bus administrator know that Calvin won't ever ride the bus with the regular driver again.
Never a dull moment around here!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
another one of those days -
It is nice that we are semi stable and our crazy days are not as frequent as they once were. It has been two weeks since Calvin missed the bus but today was another one of those days.
7:15am- calvin on the bus - grumpy and barely made it.
7:40am- dispatch calls and asks me to drive and meet the bus to get Calvin off the bus
load up the car with the girls and go meet Calvin drag him off the bus and into the car. he is really upset now because since he didn't stay safe on the bus he has lost a privilege. Calvin tried running from me a couple of times and we were on a busy busy road during morning rush hour. I had 4 kids in my car and felt completely panic stricken. I told Calvin I would have to call 911 if he ran away from me and I was serious. It was dangerous and not acceptable. Calvin got in the car and we all went home.
8am - home to feed the girls breakfast.
I had no extra cards in the back pocket today and there was no way I could be out the door to get Calvin to school on time so we just worked toward getting the girls ready
8:30 - clare and friend to school
9 - lex to school
10 - calvin to school
(this may sound like an uneventful morning but insert lots of screaming, crying, whining and threatening to get the full effect).
sweet little jo who was basically in the car from 7:45-10 fell asleep for a little cat nap around 9:45 and slept for a while in her car seat. Since we were already down in SD we stopped at the children's hospital to pick up some contacts and visit a friend who is in the hospital at the moment. When I arrived at the hospital I parked in the parking garage and read a book while jo slept for about 30 minutes more. She is a sweet baby.
2pm Calvin home from school (it is his early day)
8pm on the way home from scouts Calvin apologizes for everything he did today. I wonder how much of his rage is anger management problems and how much is epilepsy. He sure does have a sweet side.
A year ago, we had days like this 3-4 days a week since Calvin was getting sent home from school so often and was completely miserable there. I am so thankful that we are much more stable now and this kind of thing is the exception rather than the rule. Calvin's school has been great for him and for me.
7:15am- calvin on the bus - grumpy and barely made it.
7:40am- dispatch calls and asks me to drive and meet the bus to get Calvin off the bus
load up the car with the girls and go meet Calvin drag him off the bus and into the car. he is really upset now because since he didn't stay safe on the bus he has lost a privilege. Calvin tried running from me a couple of times and we were on a busy busy road during morning rush hour. I had 4 kids in my car and felt completely panic stricken. I told Calvin I would have to call 911 if he ran away from me and I was serious. It was dangerous and not acceptable. Calvin got in the car and we all went home.
8am - home to feed the girls breakfast.
I had no extra cards in the back pocket today and there was no way I could be out the door to get Calvin to school on time so we just worked toward getting the girls ready
8:30 - clare and friend to school
9 - lex to school
10 - calvin to school
(this may sound like an uneventful morning but insert lots of screaming, crying, whining and threatening to get the full effect).
sweet little jo who was basically in the car from 7:45-10 fell asleep for a little cat nap around 9:45 and slept for a while in her car seat. Since we were already down in SD we stopped at the children's hospital to pick up some contacts and visit a friend who is in the hospital at the moment. When I arrived at the hospital I parked in the parking garage and read a book while jo slept for about 30 minutes more. She is a sweet baby.
2pm Calvin home from school (it is his early day)
8pm on the way home from scouts Calvin apologizes for everything he did today. I wonder how much of his rage is anger management problems and how much is epilepsy. He sure does have a sweet side.
A year ago, we had days like this 3-4 days a week since Calvin was getting sent home from school so often and was completely miserable there. I am so thankful that we are much more stable now and this kind of thing is the exception rather than the rule. Calvin's school has been great for him and for me.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
some days are like that....
One of the things that is sort of difficult about having a crazy child is that I am not a 100% dependable person. Sure, I can make an appointment at 9am when all of my kids are supposed to be in school, but if that appointment is on a day when Calvin misses the bus and I have to drive him in to school, well, there isn't much I can do to keep that appointment. Friday was one of those days!
I am always learning - on the one hand, it is a good thing to be learning new things, but on the other hand, sometimes I just wish I already knew more!
Friday Calvin was sound asleep at 7am. The bus comes at 7:20. I had no idea why he was asleep at 7am. He is such an early riser, it is very rare for him to be asleep at that hour. Ididn't if he was up 1/2 the night or not feeling good, so I decided to let him sleep a bit longer. Even with the noises of the girls waking up, he was totally out. Well, around 7:15 he woke up and was super upset that he was going to miss the bus. Here's where I realized my mistake!! TOO LATE!!! The routine is more important than the sleep. I should have woken him up and tried to get him ready for the bus. Now, there is no point in drenching myself in mother guilt here. It could have just as easily gone south if I woke him up when he was not ready to be woken up, but I still think I probably should have just woken him up and had a good breakfast ready for him. Maybe next time.
I had planned to go to the zoo that morning with my little girls (4 and 1 year olds) already and since I was taking him to school, very near the zoo, I thought "since I'm taking him to school, I will be at the zoo even earlier than I had originally planned." I texted my friends to let them know I'd be at the zoo at 9am. I thought I would be arriving at the zoo around 8:45 and be there super early.
I got everything and everyone ready and Clare off to school with a friend. Calvin was very grouch and off all morning and eventually got in the car without clothes or breakfast. I bribed him to get dressed and paid him $5 to take his medication (for epilepsy) while we were in the car. He really wanted McDonald's for breakfast, but where we stopped I saw every other fast food establishment but no McDonald's. I got Lex some breakfast and a few things for Calvin that I knew he liked. However, when he is upset, there is nothing on heaven or earth that will please him.
So, off we went to school. I have learned that when I get to school I need to hop out of the car and lock it once he gets out, otherwise he'll sit in the car and refuse to go in. So, that's what I did. Usually, if I get somebody from school to help me, once I have him out of the car, I can leave and the school personnel will escort him to school and/or stay with him 'til he is ready for school. Well, not Friday. He started pouting on the sidewalk and then hopped up on the car! I was stuck! I unlocked the car and got the 2 girls out so they wouldn't be too hot (it was 8:45am and already 80 degrees outside). We wandered around for a bit and then sat in the office waiting for Calvin to get down. Since I have the girls, I can't really chase him around. And of course, the school personnel aren't going to try to chase him down from the car. It is not safe.
I am always learning - on the one hand, it is a good thing to be learning new things, but on the other hand, sometimes I just wish I already knew more!
Friday Calvin was sound asleep at 7am. The bus comes at 7:20. I had no idea why he was asleep at 7am. He is such an early riser, it is very rare for him to be asleep at that hour. Ididn't if he was up 1/2 the night or not feeling good, so I decided to let him sleep a bit longer. Even with the noises of the girls waking up, he was totally out. Well, around 7:15 he woke up and was super upset that he was going to miss the bus. Here's where I realized my mistake!! TOO LATE!!! The routine is more important than the sleep. I should have woken him up and tried to get him ready for the bus. Now, there is no point in drenching myself in mother guilt here. It could have just as easily gone south if I woke him up when he was not ready to be woken up, but I still think I probably should have just woken him up and had a good breakfast ready for him. Maybe next time.
I had planned to go to the zoo that morning with my little girls (4 and 1 year olds) already and since I was taking him to school, very near the zoo, I thought "since I'm taking him to school, I will be at the zoo even earlier than I had originally planned." I texted my friends to let them know I'd be at the zoo at 9am. I thought I would be arriving at the zoo around 8:45 and be there super early.
I got everything and everyone ready and Clare off to school with a friend. Calvin was very grouch and off all morning and eventually got in the car without clothes or breakfast. I bribed him to get dressed and paid him $5 to take his medication (for epilepsy) while we were in the car. He really wanted McDonald's for breakfast, but where we stopped I saw every other fast food establishment but no McDonald's. I got Lex some breakfast and a few things for Calvin that I knew he liked. However, when he is upset, there is nothing on heaven or earth that will please him.
So, off we went to school. I have learned that when I get to school I need to hop out of the car and lock it once he gets out, otherwise he'll sit in the car and refuse to go in. So, that's what I did. Usually, if I get somebody from school to help me, once I have him out of the car, I can leave and the school personnel will escort him to school and/or stay with him 'til he is ready for school. Well, not Friday. He started pouting on the sidewalk and then hopped up on the car! I was stuck! I unlocked the car and got the 2 girls out so they wouldn't be too hot (it was 8:45am and already 80 degrees outside). We wandered around for a bit and then sat in the office waiting for Calvin to get down. Since I have the girls, I can't really chase him around. And of course, the school personnel aren't going to try to chase him down from the car. It is not safe.
The girls and I sat and waited for an hour. I was so bugged to be late to the zoo! I texted this picture to my friend to let her know why I was running so late.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I should just let people think I am a total flake and can't pull myself together to be on time, or if I should let them know what really goes on in my life. I dont' know if people are completely horrified or kind of amused. I know that I am a mixture of both! Life is crazy - -what can I say! I really can't complain though. Overall things are going well, and this was the day Calvin missed the bus in 3 weeks of school.
How did it end? I had also texted Dave the picture. He was in meetings at work but I thought he might get a kick out of the picture. As luck would have it, he finished up around 10am and his hospital is just 5 minutes away. He came by the school on his way home. He drove up right next to my car and Calvin was shocked to see him. Shocked into submission. He hopped down and sat with dave on the sidewalk. Once I saw I was free I rushed off to the zoo, over an hour late to meet my friend. Calvin was pretty chill and went to school just fine. I'm not sure if dave worked magic that morning or if Calvin was starting to be done with is fit on his own anyway. By the time dave got there, he was moving down the car!
Anyway, that was Friday morning. Kind of crazy but nothing serious.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
a year ago - story telling time
My outlook on life/Calvin has changed dramatically in the last full year. One year ago, Calvin started 3rd grade. He was assigned THE BEST teacher in our school. We had hopes that with a new teacher, a fresh start and some sweet friends in his class, he would "make it."
That being said, we also knew that hope alone would not be enough. He had not made it through the week of scout camp in June. Scout camp is fun, the teaching atmosphere is relaxed. We knew that if he couldn't do scout camp, there was no way he would be able to do school. We visited our psychiatrist to reconsider some medication to help him out. He started tenex which, at the therapeutic dose made him drowsy and helped him sit through school but did not help him get any work done or cut back on tantrums. Although he was sort of making it through school it wasn't enough for me. Last October we took a trip to Washington DC for dave to attend some meetings and to visit my brother Scott and Dave's parents. The trip was a complete nightmare. It was awful (we loved seeing family though). It was really during that trip that I realized the medication, while sedating him enough to get through a school day was doing NOTHING for him. When I got home from the trip and talked to his teacher about the amount of work he was doing, which had not changed a bit since we started the medicine, we decided to take him off and try something new. This was a turning point.
The second medicine we tried was a stimulant. Also, for those of you who don't have kids on meds, it should be added here that when you start a med and come off a med it is not a one day affair. It takes 2-3 weeks to slowly work up to the therapeutic dose and then another 2-3 weeks of coming off the dose and down to baseline again. A few of the ADHD meds are the kind that you can take one day and then not the next but many are not that way and I believe no dr. should prescribe them to be taken that way. I dumped one dr. who gave us a full dose on the first day. All meds should be raised slowly to therapeutic dose, otherwise you can easily over medicate. Soapbox!
So, we started a stimulant medication, which are the typical medicines used for ADHD kids and are quite successful. IT WAS DISASTROUS! Calvin was super angry and aggressive. one thing that was amazing about it is that he was full of energy. Calvin is pretty lethargic and has no endurance to do things such as sports and even just regular play so it was a nice change to see him with full energy and able to play and keep up with other kids. 3 days on this and we were done. Also by this time he was pretty much done with general education. We had to keep Calvin home from school for a few days while we made some adjustments as he came onto and then off of this stimulant.
About this time we realized that he had no way of surviving the general education setting. I was getting calls and he was getting sent home so often it was completely ridiculous. If he was at school he was on the computer playing whatever he wanted so that the teacher could teach the rest of the class without him being disruptive. It was clear that this wasn't going to work. Dave and I visited all the special ed classes in the district and it was not long after this that we placed him in the ED class in the school district. It almost makes me cry to even write that we put him in that class. It was so awful. I didn't feel good about it when I visited it. I didn't feel good about it when he was there. It was truly a tender mercy that he was only there 3 months.
I used to worry that because the medication changes played such an integral role in his failure in school, that it was poor judgement on my part to change his medication. This was amplified by IEP team members who repeatedly asked why I made the changes and pointed out that the timing of his most severe problems was in line with the medication changes. Looking back I have no regrets. While I'm sure teachers/staff would have loved if I kept him on tenex, so sleepy and dulled that he could sit through class, it didn't help at all his learning or his overall temperament, executive functioning and self control. I don't expect that a single medicine will offer a complete turn around in all of these areas, but tenex did nothing for him. And, knowing what I know now, that he doesn't have ADHD and these were not even the right class of medicines I see I we were for sure right anyway.
It was about this time that we finally were able to see the developmental pediatrician. She was able to look at his medical and behavioral and school history and get a good overview of what was going on. She saw sleep disorder as our main problem. She saw that ADHD was unlikely to be an accurate diagnosis since the medicine was not effective. She put us back on Tenex at a low dose to aid in sleeping through the night. Dr. Gahagan is one of my favorite dr's I have ever worked with. She was gentle and kind (to Calvin) and compassionate (to me).
The rest of this history is documented in our visits to the autism center and other school meetings.
I will write another post about how he moved from district to private special education. At the time I was writing I was focused on finding the right class, not on recording the events so that I'd remember and learn from them.
This post is not what I thought it would be when it started, but I am glad to have this all written out.
The second medicine we tried was a stimulant. Also, for those of you who don't have kids on meds, it should be added here that when you start a med and come off a med it is not a one day affair. It takes 2-3 weeks to slowly work up to the therapeutic dose and then another 2-3 weeks of coming off the dose and down to baseline again. A few of the ADHD meds are the kind that you can take one day and then not the next but many are not that way and I believe no dr. should prescribe them to be taken that way. I dumped one dr. who gave us a full dose on the first day. All meds should be raised slowly to therapeutic dose, otherwise you can easily over medicate. Soapbox!
So, we started a stimulant medication, which are the typical medicines used for ADHD kids and are quite successful. IT WAS DISASTROUS! Calvin was super angry and aggressive. one thing that was amazing about it is that he was full of energy. Calvin is pretty lethargic and has no endurance to do things such as sports and even just regular play so it was a nice change to see him with full energy and able to play and keep up with other kids. 3 days on this and we were done. Also by this time he was pretty much done with general education. We had to keep Calvin home from school for a few days while we made some adjustments as he came onto and then off of this stimulant.
About this time we realized that he had no way of surviving the general education setting. I was getting calls and he was getting sent home so often it was completely ridiculous. If he was at school he was on the computer playing whatever he wanted so that the teacher could teach the rest of the class without him being disruptive. It was clear that this wasn't going to work. Dave and I visited all the special ed classes in the district and it was not long after this that we placed him in the ED class in the school district. It almost makes me cry to even write that we put him in that class. It was so awful. I didn't feel good about it when I visited it. I didn't feel good about it when he was there. It was truly a tender mercy that he was only there 3 months.
I used to worry that because the medication changes played such an integral role in his failure in school, that it was poor judgement on my part to change his medication. This was amplified by IEP team members who repeatedly asked why I made the changes and pointed out that the timing of his most severe problems was in line with the medication changes. Looking back I have no regrets. While I'm sure teachers/staff would have loved if I kept him on tenex, so sleepy and dulled that he could sit through class, it didn't help at all his learning or his overall temperament, executive functioning and self control. I don't expect that a single medicine will offer a complete turn around in all of these areas, but tenex did nothing for him. And, knowing what I know now, that he doesn't have ADHD and these were not even the right class of medicines I see I we were for sure right anyway.
It was about this time that we finally were able to see the developmental pediatrician. She was able to look at his medical and behavioral and school history and get a good overview of what was going on. She saw sleep disorder as our main problem. She saw that ADHD was unlikely to be an accurate diagnosis since the medicine was not effective. She put us back on Tenex at a low dose to aid in sleeping through the night. Dr. Gahagan is one of my favorite dr's I have ever worked with. She was gentle and kind (to Calvin) and compassionate (to me).
The rest of this history is documented in our visits to the autism center and other school meetings.
I will write another post about how he moved from district to private special education. At the time I was writing I was focused on finding the right class, not on recording the events so that I'd remember and learn from them.
This post is not what I thought it would be when it started, but I am glad to have this all written out.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
when the police came to my house
This happened a few months ago and at the time I didn't feel like blogging it - it was too terrifying and humiliating to me - but now enough time has passed that I'm over it. This was written a couple of months ago. Nothing ever came of it.
Yesterday evening Calvin was in the pool screaming/wailing becuase he didn't like the color of towel he had. Clare was sweet enough to trade with him twice and he still changed his mind last minute and wanted a different towel but she was already in the house and he didn't want it after she had used it. He sat out ton the steps of the pool for a good 20-30 minutes crying/wailing at the top of his lungs while the rest of us went inside and got changed and dressed and ate, etc. Some neighbors kept walking by the top of the driveway and eventually one of them -super old guy - came down the driveway and stood by the pool gate watching Calvin. Dave went out to talk to him. The old guy thought it seemed like a long time to be crying about a towel (tell me about it!) and mumbled and grumbled about how "it just didn't seem right." A few minutes later a police officer started walking down our driveway (obviously they had called the police before talking to us). By the time the police were here Calvin was sort of settling down and came in while Dave was out on the front porch talking to the officer. Dave gave the police officer a brief history of Calvin (getting kicked out of public school, special ed. and now at special school for behavior problems. The police officer suggested we try medication (Thanks, I'm a Dr. and yes we have tried some). The police officer also said, "oh, 4 kids is kind of tough...maybe you should put on a movie or something for them so you can get a break." He said he was here basically because some neighbors of ours have too much tim e on their hands. Anyway, it sounds like he was a nice enough guy. I am assuming the police will have to call CPS which I assume will be a big pain. One of my friends had CPS called because one of her kids went to school with a burn on her arm and she said they came over and interviewed all the kids. Actually this happened to two different friends. Both got reported at school for burns.
Dave
is not the least bit concerned about any of this but I am. Dave says, "oh,
tons of big families have been turned in to CPS for one thing or another" and
though it is true I've known a few it is still very disheartening.
Calvin has a bruise on his chin. Not sure what it is
from. It might be a hickey from sucking on something but he has no idea where it
is from. Anyway, I asked him where it is from and he said, "It might be from
when Daddy was getting me out of the pool with a stick." ha! How unlucky can I be?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
epilepsy 1st aid
At our first epilepsy appointment, the neruologist asked us if we know epilspsy first aid. I said no!
Here is the basic epilepsy first aid. Probably everyone should know this!
1. do not restrain anyone while having a seizure
2. do not put anything in their mouth
3. roll them onto their side
4. call 911 if a seizure lasts more than 5 mintues
Also, here are some safety rules for epileptic patients.
1. do not swim alone (drowning is the #1 cause of death with epileptic people)
2. wear a helmet when riding a bike
3. no climbing trees
Here is the basic epilepsy first aid. Probably everyone should know this!
1. do not restrain anyone while having a seizure
2. do not put anything in their mouth
3. roll them onto their side
4. call 911 if a seizure lasts more than 5 mintues
Also, here are some safety rules for epileptic patients.
1. do not swim alone (drowning is the #1 cause of death with epileptic people)
2. wear a helmet when riding a bike
3. no climbing trees
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